An elderly lady phoned her telephone company

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.


Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

funny pics

Divorced and Drunk

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks,

"Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Who's the Most Fun to Operate On?

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing whothey like to operate on.

The first surgeon said, "I like operating onlibrarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".

The second surgeon said, "I like operatingon accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".

The third surgeon said, "I like operating onelectricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.

The fourth surgeon said, "I like operatingon politicians."

The other three surgeons looked at each other indisbelief. One of them asked why.

The fourth surgeon replied, "Because theyare heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".