Monday, May 29, 2006


Okay, here goes... (Maybe we'll make it to the punch line this time!) One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner--Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make." "And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes. "Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!" The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?" "I'm marrying a Russet!" "A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!" As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement." "And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato. Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!" "You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?" "I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter. "An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!" Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make." "Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation. "Well," began t he youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!" "Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?" "I'm marrying Dan Rather!" "DAN RATHER?!" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"

Girls night out( Dirty Joke)

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Mommy . . . What is Courting?

One day little Johnny came home from school and asked hismom about curting. Flustered, she replied, "Tonight go watchyour sister when she comes home with her boyfriend. That's courting.
" The next day, Johnny tells his mother what happened. "Well,Sis and her boyfriend came home last night and sat on thecouch. They started kissing and stuff and I think sis wasgetting sick because she kept making faces. Her boyfriendmust have thought so to, because he started feeling for herheartbeat like the doc. He wasn't as good as the Dr. though,he missed an awful lot. That's when the fever started. Iknow it was a fever because sis said she was really hot. Then her boyfriend ripped off her blouse and bra, and I sawwhy he couldn't get to her heart, there were these big bumpson her chest! He then ripps off her skirt and undies and shehas grown a lot of hair there, she should clean it moreoften. I guess her boyfriend thought so to because hestarted sucking there, licking and using his fingers. Thensis yelled out to God and unzipped her boyfriend's pants. This big snake jumped out and sis started to try and biteit's head off. She stopped trying an then it squirted allover the couch. Then sis took off his pants and sat on thesnake, I think they were trying to squish it. Sis started tobounce up and down on it. She said it was nearly as big asDaddy's! Suddenly, she stopped and said she wasn't onanything, but her boyfriend said it was too late. They hadboth cum. So, did I explain it right?"
His mom fainted.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Special Family

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.

"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. Infact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. Whenthe couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach overand fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from hispocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Buzzzzzzz (X)

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom makinglove. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroomwindow. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered hervagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me,there's a bee in my vagina!" The husbandimmediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.

The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, trickysituation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sirwould permit." The husband being veryconcerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method toget the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK,what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penisand insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the beegetting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it andthe bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife'svagina. The husband nodded and gave hisapproval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just geton with it."

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis withhoney, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a fewgentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee hasnoticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." Sothe doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctorbegan shafting the young lady very hard indeed.

The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She beganto moan and groan aloud.
The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he wasenjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady'sbreasts and started making loud noises.

The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed andshouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you thinkyou're doing?" The doctor, stillconcentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Bank Robber

A man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.

"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".

"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.

"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"

"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.

"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.

She prys off the cap and gulps it down.

"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands.

The girl drinks another one.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......

"Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.

Monday, May 08, 2006


A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the f*****g safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter. "But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money". "Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your f*****g head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.

"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"

"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.

"Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down.

"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......

"Not that f*****g difficult is it?" he says.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Which Hole?

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No, I wouldn't," he said.

She said, "I sell tampons.

"With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


The children and grand children of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send
grandma on a cruise. Grandma boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the
purser. He looked at it and said, "Oh, I see you have U.D."
She replied, "U.D.? Voos is U.D.?
He said, "U.D. is Upper Deck."
She then went to the upper deck and showed her ticket to the purser there
and he said, "I see, that in addition to U.D., you also have O.C."
Grandma replied, "O.C.? Voos is O.C.?"
The purser said, "O.C. is Outside Cabin."
Grandma, needless to say, was delighted. She then showed her ticket to the
cabin boy and he said, "Oh, I see that you also have B.I.B."
"B.I.B.? Voos is B.I.B.?" asked grandma.
The cabin boy answered, "B.I.B. is Breakfast In Bed."
"Oh" she said; "Mine children and grandchildren are vonderful."
Well, the next morning, bright and early, the staff came right into her room
with trays of food for her Breakfast In Bed and she said, "F.U.C.K"
Shocked, they said, "F.U.C.K? What do you mean F.U.C.K.?", to which she
replied, "Yes, F.U.C.K. First U Could Knock!"